Category: Bringing up

Parents, are you Listening?

A recent news item in  Indian Express   shook me and made me write this post. Any person in flesh blood would find this news item horrifying. It is about a 9 th standard student attacking a 8th standard school mate with an air pistol in a Delhi school. My first reaction was – has the gun culture which we have heard so far only in Western countries seeped into our schools too? The callousness of parents is responsible for this. I just wonder what is  the condition of the victim ?  A case has been registered under the Juvenile Act. Now what would happen, the child gets a label for life and he would be ridden with guilt . But has he understood the full repercussions of this ? I doubt, as he is still a kid. Getting exposed to so much violence at young age through various electronic mediums have removed the sensitivity from the younger generation. May be the case may get swept under the carpet.

I am not going to delve into this particular case as such . I am speaking again about the importance of  instilling Moral Values which I had written in my earlier post. When a child has an access to a weapon who is to be blamed?  Is it not the parents?  When such ‘TOYS’ are in the house is it not the parents duty to keep it out of reach or to be with the children when such things are used. We blame so many things on the exposure children get through television and cinema. Is it not  parents’ duty to instill values in children about peace and not to bully or harm others?.

Mental maturity in children comes through the exposure the child gets from his environment, be it his house, people related to him, his peers or his school which influences him/her a lot and helps in moulding the individual. Like Intelligent quotient, Emotional quotient tells how a person is able to handle various situations . Most of the children these days are highly emotional and they get frustrated and vent their anger easily on others. There is only one remedy for this. Spend quality time with children. Costly gifts are not substitute for this. Buy things and let them also understand when and how it should be used and  if used , only under parents/elders supervision. Otherwise it will have repercussions on the child’s’ life .

No child can be labeled as bad . It is the environment that maketh a man. We need to school the mind of the child , guide him well so that they learn to respect others’ sentiment and keep themselves from hurting others  and ruining their own lives.  In the above case reported in IE it is a great relief that the victim escaped with minor injuries , But if some thing untoward had  happened, imagine the havoc it would have caused to both the families .

Parents are you listening? Love, Love and love your children because only you can do it, but don’t be so blind that they get spoilt and become a problem for themselves and to others.
see you soon….

Moral Science

When we were young there used to be special sessions in schools to teach moral values (I am talking about 2- 3 decades back). Where have they disappeared? Many of you would also feel the same when you see the sad state of affairs that is happening around us. A country which boasts of rich cultural heritage is coming to a naught as many of us have forgotten to guide the younger generation.What kind of society are we building? Who is responsible? Our children are getting exposed to the most advanced technology but values are degrading in our society, there is no doubt about it.

We greeted our teachers , rose from our seat when elders entered and were tolerant than the present generation. As I am meeting students from various colleges on a regular basis I do have to remind them to greet the teachers. The beautiful words Namaste , Vanakkam, Namaskaram and any kind of greeting are alien to students. What I see is a kind of indifference in their attitude. Most teachers complain that students make fun of them. We respected our teachers and always craved for their attention.

Many of you would remember your Moral Science classes and how they were enjoyed by every one. Through stories or various narrations good values were instilled in our little minds by the teachers. At home it would be elders giving out beautiful stories and even if it was the same story we enjoyed them. Unconsciously we have imbibed what is good and what is not so good and that has helped us in learning how to behave, talk, share, respect and also learn the importance being honest in life. For many my view would seem outdated but the scenario today is making me believe that the society we lived was much better, though we were not exposed to so much technology.

Today in many schools, there is no time for Moral Science classes as the schedule needs to be filled with curriculum,test and model test for achieving better results. More over working mothers , nuclear families, absence of elderly people around, distractions like TV and computers keeps the children away from getting the valuable lessons of life.

Recently I was shocked when a young kid of just 5 lied to me even with out batting an eyelid. How quickly he was able concoct one shocked me.

The reactions to various situations also differ in kids these days. They are highly irritable, impatient and I see attention deficiency in many children.

A child needs lot of affection, Care and guidance from parents as well as teachers. What is preached must be practiced too.This would go a long way in building a healthier society. Are there Moral Science classes in your child’s school?. As a parent do you spend quality time with your child? Do you have any thing to share regarding above? Please I would like to know your opinion too.
More on this
Shall see you soon !!

Sweet Memories

When I made my last post on Krishaanu, my husband jokingly commented. Isn’t your blog about the musings of a mother and how your posts are on something else these days? My argument was I am a mother and I can post anything related to my life. The beautiful ride of life that teaches the sweet and and not so sweet things, our various experiences which makes us wiser and the beautiful relationship we build with people as we go about our journey of life.

There is no dearth of my thoughts for me as a young mother. At the same time I want to live in the present also as to what is happening in our society.

But today I want to let my thoughts wander a few years back when I was a young mother completely immersed in devoting time to my son.

When my son used to wake up he would start with the cry alarm and immediately I would make sounds bigger than him to distract him, tell him something interesting to catch his attention and he would calm down immediately. How much energy is required for a young mother is difficult to explain. But I haven’t done anything like what my mother has done as I had 5 siblings. Ha! the thought of looking after 6 children itself drains my energy. Kudos to my mom.

I wanted my son to develop interest in his studies and to create the same I innovated some simple games. When he started going to Kindergarten I made lot of props for him. I would draw and cut the alphabets and color it so that my son had to pick up the ones I used to call out. As it was an activity I could hold his attention and he didn’t feel he was learning. I kept a drawing book and would draw various pictures of animals, birds,cars planes etc and he would watch how my hands moved and he had a separate slate on which he would try to draw his pictures. Even today I enjoy this activity when children are around, this is how I spend time with them.

For learning numbers I used Cadburys ‘gems’ and I would spread the same on a table. counting, subtraction adding and all came easily to him as it was interesting and at the end of the game it was all his. Another virtue he learnt was patience as he would wait for the game to get over.

My son had his own way of keeping me on my toes, was quite mischievous like other kids of his age. Kitchen was his favourite place and he engaged himself with his activities. Once he started carrying an oil can with two kilos of oil in it. As I was engrossed with the my work I didn’t notice much what was happening at my back. When I turned around I could see a pool of oil and was shocked. My son was oblivious to what was happening. He was dragging the can and it developed the crack and whole contents spilled out. I could not put my legs any where to reach my son.The floor was slippery. This is the only time I think I lost my cool and shouted. My son seeing me in a new avatar started crying at the top of his voice. I felt totally helpless. Hearing the commotion in my house my landlady peeped in through the door and took my son away leaving me to clean all the mess. I failed when the pressure arose but I understood I was also very young then. Since then I too learnt how to tackle situations and I am proud to say I did pass out with flying colours.

I have given my best to my son and now I want him to carry it forward for the next generation.

Domestic Violence

This is a sequel to my earlier post and again the topic is on violence. When I posted ” Teach them to Love “, by co incidence there was a similar article in an English daily. But here the victims were parents. I wonder why I keep bumping into these kind of things or such news items. These things always leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

Have you heard of children bashing up parents, especially mothers because they happen to be at home and are at the receiving end very often. When I read the news I was shocked. I have heard of verbal aggression but this was something unheard of.

A girl child when she was refused permission by her mother to get out of the house ended up lashing out, kicking and pulling her mother’s hair which left the mother shaken and crying and the girl guilty once the battle was over.

I think it took place in a foreign land.The mother of the child feeling helpless had to seek the help of an outside agency Parents help line. The survey conducted by them is sufficient to suggest that 30% children in the age group of 13-15 resort to physical aggression. Many parents are afraid to report such things and suffer silently. This particular agency regularly gets distress calls from helpless parents.

I felt it was a ridiculous situation for the parent to be in and expect to call an external agency to solve ones problems when all this could have been done with a little understanding, care and love. But when things get out of control and parents fail to tackle the same a third party may help them to work out things better.

Why do children become violent? Are they rebelling against the diktats, or Are they are giving back the the same treatment that is meted out to them? I believe it is more of the second one as when the child is young it suffers and bears the pain when stronger parent uses force but on growing up when the same child realises it has equal strength if not more, in its sub consious mind it believes it is alright to use force to get even if it is against its own parents who on becoming old tend to become physically weak.

We are speaking of Influence of TV and films. If the atmosphere at home is one that of harmony and peace will not the child respect the same? All these incidents perturb me and I believe it defies any logic. A neighbour of mine keeps nagging her child day in and out who is just into the 5th standard, Will that child have peace at home? Will he be happy? He may keep all the reactions bottled up now as he is young but when he grows up, will he not retaliate?. Many fail to understand that life is like a boomerang whatever thoughts, actions one puts in, it comes back with the same speed and frequency to hit back.

Only silver lining for this post is physical abuse of parents is not happening in our society (?) or so I would like to believe. My only worry is when the present generation is aping the western life style will they resort to physical abuse of parents to have their way? Let God save us from the perils of violence.

Om Shanti!